shake it.

i just want to shake this feeling of something's wrong. 

i can't stand always worrying about what people think of me. People think it is easy for me to live my life always being afraid of trust, always being afraid of giving in, and always being afraid of what people are saying. It's not easy. You don't know what I've been through. I'm not trying to gain sympathy from anybody, I promise. I just wish people could understand that this trait is NOT something i asked for. This paranoid characteristic is not my friend, and quite frankly, i just want it to go away. 

second thought--

people are cruel. not just to me, but just in retrospect. i think people say things that they dont think are audible sometimes, but believe it or not, they are. there are people i know who thrive off of putting others down. they live vicariously through the evil remarks that they dont think someone will hear or someone will find out. we do. you people know how i am. i seek and search for these things to try to mend the problems that may be surfaced. but honestly, if you're talking shit just to hear yourself talk and for no other reason than to just say something about someone, then keep your mouth closed. if all you do is gab on and on about people, i promise you you will have a very difficult time with the future. i'm just so frustrated with people and their attitudes these days. we may not all like each other but for the love of God, if you absolutely have to say anything at all, say it in privacy. don't voice your opinion when they are sitting right in front of you. 

i'm sorry if this post was negative, i just hate seeing people being treated the way they are being treated. there are a few so called "friends" that i honestly just can not wait to get away from this summer because all they do is talk shit. RUDE. i love my friends, and yes there are some people i have to deal with that i dont get along with all the time. but that doesn't mean i go say stupid things that they can hear. it's just rude. 

anyway. i'm pumped for the summer and for charlie brown and new york and now the bahamas! SO ready to go. i love the new friends i've made as well as the old ones of course. i dont want anyone {with the exception of the people this post was aimed at} to become a stranger this summer. i really hope to see everyone.